Why Hello, Miss Judgeypants. Meet my Tantruming Two Year Old.

I see you there, lady, looking at me with sceptical eyes. All child-free and smartly dressed. You’ve just come out of your hotel room refreshed and rested and well-coifed (I’ve been desperate to use the word ‘coifed’. What a word.). It’s ten am and I bet you haven’t long since got up. Maybe you woke up early, at nine am, and you and your equally smart boyfriend had ‘early morning’ hotel sex. Then you had a nice shower and got ready at your leisure. You’ve even straightened your hair.

And yes, I heard you. You carefully walked around my two year old who is kindly having a huge temper tantrum at the top of the stairs, and then- loudly enough to make sure I heard it- muttered:

“People shouldn’t bring children to hotels if they can’t control them.” 

Cheers for that babe. Funnily enough, someone from your family (I saw you come in yesterday)  commented only an hour ago how beautifully behaved this very two year old was, at breakfast. She said how nicely she sat and ate her breakfast and how she thought it was adorable that she was saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to the waitress. But you’re not aware of that, of course. You’re judging my daughter based on the fact that she is currently stood at the top if a set of stairs in a hotel screaming blue murder, arching her back so I can’t carry her and turning such a bright red that one would assume she requires an exorcist.

The thing is, there’s two bits of your statement that are somewhat peeving.

The first is that children should have to pass some kind of ‘behaviour test’ before they should be permitted into hotels, or maybe even any public place. Or perhaps parents should have to take a ‘parenting test’? That despite my husband and I working hard all year, we should not consider taking our family away for a weekend in case it inconveniences people like you. But you know, I’ll forgive you that. You’re young, you’re child-free, you don’t know. You don’t realise that we have spent the entire weekend having to find twenty seven bloody toilets because one of our daughters need a wee, like, NOW. You don’t realise that whilst you were sleeping, we were being ‘DOGPIIILLLLEEEED’ at six thirty this morning, and that at eight thirty last night we were sat drinking wine and whispering to each other in the bathroom. You also don’t realise that it’s all totally worth it, on account of being able to get away from our house for a weekend, make a mess when someone else is being paid to clean it up, eat breakfast where we don’t have to do the dishes, and be away enjoying the company of our kids and showing them somewhere else other than the bloody park or the soft play centre. But I’ll forgive you that.

But the part of your statement that… well , it makes me feel a little bit stabby- is your implication  that I can’t control my child, and the insinuation that perhaps someone else could have done it better. Perhaps you? I’ll tell you now: this particular child, my two year old, is very well behaved. Most of the time. She is super polite, very kind, very affectionate, and generally very agreeable.

funny_parenting_blog_ toddler_tantrum

But occasionally, just occasionally, she is completely unreasonable.

Perhaps, as you are implying, this is due to my ‘lack of control’. So prey tell, my judgey little friend, what should I have done differently? If you were her parent, how would you have prevented/ stopped her little outbursts?

I am all ears…

Tantrum number One (Monday)

Where: Home

Duration: 15 minutes.

Cause: I wouldn’t let her eat dog food.

Further info: Said child was given her breakfast, but decided she did not want to eat it. Instead preferred the look of the dog meat. That the dog was already eating. I offered her an alternative breakfast. I insisted, firmly and fairly, that she could not eat the dog food and should eat her own food as it was almost time to leave for pre-school. Much drama ensued.

End: I bundled her, still screaming, into her car seat. Some time on the way she found an old raisin and ate that, and seemingly forgot about the desired dog food.

Tantrum Two (Tuesday)

Where: The middle of the city centre.

Duration: 5 minutes.

Cause: I wouldn’t let her eat a crisp off the floor.

Further info: It wasn’t her crisp.

End: I bottled it, and promised to buy her crisps if she would please stop screaming.

Tantrum Three (Thursday)

Where: Home

Duration: At least 30 minutes. I lost all sense of time.

Cause: She wanted to wear her pineapple top.

Further Info: She doesn’t own a pineapple top. No-one does.

End: Honestly, I can’t remember. Maybe she passed out. Maybe I did.

Tantrum Four (Thursday again)

Where: Home, but about six hours later.

Duration: Another twenty minutes.

Cause: She remembered about the pineapple top.

Further info: We still have no pineapple top.

End: I laid down on the floor and pretended to be asleep. Or dead. She wandered off to find Daddy.

Sunday (Today Miss Judgey Pants)

Where: The hotel

Duration: So far, five minutes. It could continue for some time yet.

Cause: We don’t have her doll’s house with us.

Further info: We brought plenty of toys for the kids to play with, toys that they chose. The four foot doll’s house was not one of them. Once she said she needed the doll’s house, I distracted her, tried to play with other toys, even got her sister involved trying to change her mind, all to no avail.

End: We went swimming. She likes swimming.


Perhaps, Miss Judgeypants, you think that she’s a naughty child, as made evident form aforementioned tantrums. Perhaps you’ll argue that if she was better behaved then they wouldn’t have happened in the first place. But I don’t think so. I think she’s two. I think she has no understanding of why she can’t eat dog food. If the dog is eating then why shouldn’t she? Same goes for the grubby floor crisps. For some reason she has in her head that she owns a pineapple top and she couldn’t comprehend why on earth I was stopping her from wearing it. And she always has her toys near her usually, why wouldn’t her doll’s house be here? She doesn’t understand that we’re five hours away from her doll’s house and contrary to belief, my changing bag does not actually contain the entire contents of our house. Though my husband would argue otherwise.

I don’t think it makes me a bad mother that I could neither predict nor stop her little meltdowns. I’ve tried various different techniques. I followed Super Nanny’s advice, I tried ignoring them, telling her off, making threats, and when all else fails: bribery. Sometimes, she just goes. And all I can really do is try to reason with her and wait for the storm to pass. It neither proves nor disproves my ability as a parent. It certainly doesn’t make my daughter an asshole. Well, any more of an asshole that any other two year old.

One day, Miss Judgeypants, maybe you’ll have a two year old and they’ll have an almighty breakdown about the colour of their socks or the noise the microwave makes. Maybe you’ll remember me. Maybe you’ll feel a little bit guilty over trying to make me feel bad about my daughter.

If by some weird coincidence I’m there when you’re wrestling your own child, I won’t be smug. I’ll smile at you and welcome you to the club.


Thanks for reading! If you haven’t already, come and join us on my lovely Facebook page. We’re very friendly and rarely bite.

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43 thoughts on “Why Hello, Miss Judgeypants. Meet my Tantruming Two Year Old.

  1. The Speed Bump says:

    Love love love this post! Bless her with the pineapple top!

    I’ve always said, the best parents are people without kids. As soon as they have a baby, they realise how little they knew all along!! x


  2. housestillstanding says:

    So true! Of course there is a simple answer…let your child eat dog food, crisps from the floor and stick a pineapple to a top. Oh no, hang on a minute…😉

    Children learn through these big emotions. She’ll figure it out someday…


    • theridiculousmrsh says:

      You’ve got it! If only we were all psychic and could pre-determine what the next meltdown would be! Could you imagine the judgey people’s reaction if I let her eat crisps off the floor, yikes! In fairness, had it been her own I probably would have turned a blind eye… Thank you for reading! Loved your recent post as well (I love you, but please stop touching me) Totally get it. xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Charlie says:

    Or some people just don’t like kids… at all.. even when they’re doing ‘nice things’.

    But yeah I’d never comment about anyone else’s parenting or child’s behaviour…


  4. Squirmy Popple says:

    Love this! I have to admit that I was a lot more judgmental about ‘badly behaved’ kids and screaming babies before I had a baby of my own. Now, when I see a parent struggling to control their child, I don’t judge – I sympathize. #bestandworst


  5. Nicole {Life's Tidbits} says:

    It’s so easy for people to judge from the outside, but if they were in the moment with you they would feel and act differently! My toddler has tantrums over the silliest things and I can totally relate to the pineapple top. My toddler cried the other day because I gave handed her HER water bottle and not mine. How was I to know she wanted mine and not hers when she asked for water. =) #BestAndWorst


    • theridiculousmrsh says:

      That sounds TOTALLY legit! The girls have got identical drinks bottles and Eliza will scream blue murder if I don’t give her the right one. They’re the same!! Welcome to the club, and thank you for reading! xx


  6. Eimear says:

    Urgh god that’s an awful attitude on that lady, jeepers kids are hard to please, the most random things can set them off and when they go into full flight it’s almost impossible to reason with them. She is just so adorable though!!!


    • theridiculousmrsh says:

      They are hilarious! The other day she was having an almighty meltdown about her scooter going the wrong way and I couldn’t help but laugh, she was getting so angry and shouting ‘Naughty girl, ‘Let it go’ scooter, you are NOT being kind!!’ (its a frozen scooter). Gotta love em xx


  7. Kate Tunstall, Refined Prose says:

    Hahaha – I guess this actually happened? Would love for it to fall into said judgeypants lap and be a fly on the wall as she read it! #BloggersClubUK


    • theridiculousmrsh says:

      Yes it did! Every now and again I do wonder whether the people the posts are about will ever come across them, I recently wrote about my time in hospital (if you’re bored it’s here) and several of my doctors got in touch, but sadly not the asshole who the piece was aimed at! Thank you for reading xx


  8. Hot Pink Wellingtons says:

    To be fair, I often feel like wearing a pineapple top (I don’t have one either, but I wish I did!) What a nasty comment of that woman to make – kids are just kids, they’re learning how to behave well, and of course that involves moments where they lose control. I really hope I’ve never been that judgey pre-children, although maybe the tantrums now are just karma coming to bite me for some long forgotten judginess! #bloggerclubuk


  9. Sarah Howe (@RunJumpScrap) says:

    Love this as today I actually had my first public meltdown and had to actually drag my daughter down the road to the car by her arm. She refused to hold my hand! I could feel the looks. Nothing you can do. She is 2. Do one! Lol. Fab post. Your daughter is gorg. Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst


  10. Love From Clueless Mum says:

    I used to be a little bit like miss judgeypants, although I’d never have commented out loud because I had a suspicion that sometimes toddlers tantrum for no logical reason and this is no reflection on anyone’s parenting. And now I’ve got a toddler I’ve my own it’s more than a suspicion! X


  11. Louise says:

    This is a brilliant response to one of those judgey moments that I think we all experience now and then. Why people seem to think that parenting properly results in a child that is perfectly behaved at all times is completely beyond me – even the most angelic two year olds have tantrums now and then! As you say, perhaps one day that lady will know better and hopefully if she does find herself in a similar position, someone like you will smile and welcome her to the club rather than putting their judgeypants on. #BloggerClubUK


  12. Katie (Growing Up KaterTot) says:

    I stumbled onto your blog for the first time from #BloggerClubUK, and I am so very glad that I did! This post made me laugh, smile, nod, and roll my eyes (at the snotty judgypants lady) all at the same time. I was completely absorbed in it! You have an amazing writer’s voice of which you should be proud. What a wonderful, relatable piece that will certainly entertain any parent who reads it!


    • theridiculousmrsh says:

      I’m so glad you enjoyed it (blushes)! Hopefully I’ll see you again. i recently read your butterfly valentines idea and thought about trying it with my girls, although yours look sufficiently better than mine will I’m sure… xxx


  13. Rachel says:

    Ha bless you, such a great post and your little girl is just so cute, even her pouty angry face! I don’t envy any parent who has to deal with a child tantrum, more so in the middle of a packed venue when they throw a strop and refuse to move, get up or shut up x


  14. Ana Razon says:

    What a character and kids should be kids. Yes, they do need a discipline but when they are in a rage. I understand the stress and to those who judge should mind their own business. Doesn’t matter if they have a kid or not, they should understand if they were in that situations. I would feel the same thing.


  15. Fi Ní Neachtáin says:

    I wouldn’t take any notice of people who don’t have any children commenting on children’s behaviour, especially that of toddlers when they’re having a tantrum. I’d love to be a fly on the wall on they day they do have a tantruming toddler of their own and realise just how much of a cow they actually were to think they could handle it better!


  16. Liz Mays says:

    Until you’ve been through it yourself, you just will never get it. And why adults think kids are capable of adult behavior all the time is beyond me! Tantrums are part of life.


  17. Linda says:

    Love this! I’m so with you. My 2 1/2 year old has had 2 tantrums today… I cut out the wrong colour circle, then later he wanted the “other” piece of fruity bread… you know, one of the ones that have already been eaten, not any of the 4 pieces still on the plate. I’m so going to try lying on the floor pretending to be dead!!!! That made me laugh so much. Normally something along the lines of….woah… look at the train / car toy doing something totally awesome like driving on top of something is the get out of our smaller ones. Otherwise it’s the discussion of food that stops them! My fav tantrum so far…. I told his baby sister what sound a sheep made! haha x


  18. Becky, Cuddle Fairy says:

    Oh that face – I’ve seen it so many times from my own daughter. Children don’t have a concept of so many things you can’t expect them to know what they can & can’t do. And they have a right to voice their opinion in the matter unfortunately it tends to be with shouting lol Great post, as always! Thanks so much for linking up with the #BloggerClubUK linky x


  19. Gráinne says:

    HA Brilliant, number 3 & 4 are defo my favorite. I’m contemplating sending my two year old in for any bargaining while shopping as they are so good as not taking no for an answer!!


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