Being a Parent Made me Crap at Dieting

So in the build up to having my youngest daughter, I spent two months in hospital, which you can read about here if you haven’t already. Done it? Welcome back. I don’t like to go on about it (ahem)…. As a result, by the time she eventually came into  the world, I had seriously put on some timber. Two and a half stone of timber I may add. And that’s after the baby arrived.

“Don’t panic!” I told myself. “I’m young! I’m active! I’m educated on healthy eating! I can lose that weight in nooooo time.”


The first stone came off easy enough. Once I wasn’t sat in a hospital bed eating out the entire stock of the hospital M&S Food, and instead spending my days chasing after three sprogs, and breastfeeding, I didn’t really need to do a huge amount to lose it. But six months on, and no further weight has shifted.

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It looks like I fit into these trousers. Not so. The fat is just smooshed up to make a flubber shelf. Its all glamour.

A friend of mine is a spokesperson for Juice Plus, and clean eating, so being the salesperson’s dream that I am, I signed up. I’m not really into meal replacement shakes (if you are then great, I’m not judging in the slightest) so I opted for the capsules alongside following their eating plan which effectively consists of ‘clean eating’; I.e: no refined sugars, no processed foods, lots of vegetables, meat, and natural or brown carbohydrates. It’s a food ethos I really believe in and I couldn’t recommend it enough. The capsules have also really helped my skin and hair and whatever your thoughts on them are, I love them. You’re also supposed to exercise every day, as we all should anyway.

Unfortunately, believing in the diet and knowing it’s brilliant does not mean I’m very good at following it.

weightless funny blog

Take yesterday. I woke up and my husband and I completed the Insanity workout. Afterwards we had a brunch of poached eggs and spinach on rye bread. We then went out for a walk with the girls, and came back to cook a healthy roast chicken, with very little added fats and lots of vegetables. We finished with fruit and yoghurt.

Then the kids went to bed, and we ate an entire tub of Ben and Jerry’s, a bottle of wine, and a KEBAB.

So goes every day. I start well, but by mid morning I’m sneaking a biscuit or two (or twelve). I’m totally ignoring the ‘one coffee a day’ guideline and am matching my caffeine intake to my oxygen intake. I finish off the kids crisps, I’m putting butter on my rice cakes and if I meet a friend for coffee I find myself accidentally adding a teeny weeny biscuit when I get to the till. Or a skinny blueberry muffin. Or a slice of triple chocolate cake with extra frosting and cream with chocolate sprinkles. And then, at the end of day, when the kids have gone to bed, I somehow find myself replacing my glass of water with a bowl of fruit and one square of extra dark chocolate with a bottle of wine, a bar of Dairy Milk (no, not the little ones) and a tub of ice-cream. And my intention of doing a home workout dvd every day… The thought is there. Unfortunately the action isn’t.

weightless funny blog

Still not enough.

But I’ve worked out why it is.

Since having my first child six years ago, I don’t go out anymore. I very rarely go out for nice meals. I don’t smoke. I spend my money on baby grows and drama lessons and school shoes.  As it should be. When I get an hour where the kids are entertaining themselves or asleep, I either catch up on work or housework. Two of my kids still wake up at night, so if I don’t drink copious amounts of coffee I suspect I may actually die. If I get the chance to spend a morning catching up with a friend I really love being able to sit down and chat sometimes rather than us both chasing after our two year olds as they try to find how many ways they can kill themselves on a nature walk (“DON’T JUMP IN THE POND! DON’T EAT THE MUD! PLEEEEAAAASE DON’T THROW ROCKS AT THE DUCKS!”). And at the end of the evening, when my husband is finally home and the children are in bed asleep, and we have two hours before we have to go bed, I’m knackered. I don’t want to go out to an aerobics class. I know I should be doing Insanity or Davina McCall’s latest DVD. I know I shouldn’t be eating two hours before bed time. I also know I shouldn’t be drinking on a school night. But the thought of binge-watching Elementary and eating Ben and Jerry’s until I feel sick with a glass of wine is just. too. damn. tempting.

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If Ben or Jerry are reading, yes I DO do endorsements….

So I’m making the decision to stay a little bit fatter than I would choose. I’m deciding to keep my ever-so-slightly-bigger love handles and have arms that I have to make sure aren’t pressed to my side in pictures because they look enormous. I will eat healthily because I don’t want to be ill, and because I don’t want to get fatter, and I will do as much exercise as I can. But for now, my six-pack is being kept warm for winter and the gap between my thighs is currently awaiting completion. And I’m OK with it. I’ve housed three small humans, and I gained that extra lard making sure one of them could stay in two months longer than she wanted to. The coffee stops me from falling asleep at the wheel on the way to school and the time spent working instead of doing Jazzercise is the ballet classes I can afford to send them to. And the wine and ice-cream… Well that’s just for me.


I’ll get skinny again some other time. Maybe….. Did someone say cake?

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12 thoughts on “Being a Parent Made me Crap at Dieting

  1. An imperfect Mum (@animperfectmum) says:

    It isn’t so much my children as my hubby. He never stops eating!!! You hit the nail on he head at he end. It’s about being healthy not skinny. I am proud of the changes to my body, It helped make my kids, they are my mummy scars but sometimes I do look in the Mirror and wonder where the thin, pretty 20 something girl went. 😉


  2. Jess Powell (Babi a Fi) says:

    I so relate to this. I was going to be so good last year and shift all the weight… instead I just put on more. I’m more determined this year, but it’s taken a while to accept that I just don’t have the time and energy to devote to it that I used to have. Sometimes the fresh, healthy meals just have to be swapped out for a sandwich on white bread because there’s just too much other stuff to get done! 🙂 #anythinggoes


  3. moderatemum says:

    Oh goodness you have highlighted so many of my conflicts. I want to be a good example, I want to be in the best physical health I can be but oh I’m tired and hey is that a custard cream…


  4. aNoviceMum says:

    Dieting is hard, isn’t it. I’ve never had to think about it really, but motherhood is making me think again. Even then, I’m not sure I can hack it. So important to accept ourselves where we are at, even as we work to what we might consider to be a better us. Our bodies have worked too hard and given too much not to be loved as it is, as we get it working again to shape it as we want. 🙂 #TheBloggingMums


  5. sabrina says:

    Haha I could have written this! Literally my life, last year I was so convinced I would lose weight, start with good intentions and then end up binge eating! I then decided to accept I’m a size 14, to enjoy eating, and buy new clothes instead of trying to fit in my old ones. And I’m a much happier mum now! xx


  6. Luke Strickland says:

    I can completely relate to bingeing as soon as the kids are in bed… my wife is expecting number 3 at the moment so we’ve both given up alcohol since Christmas, and I’ve also given up puddings to try and lose some of my happy fat – and I don’t even have the excuse of having had a baby or two (I like to think it’s sympathy fat). Enjoyed your blog! #AnythingGoes


  7. Ellie @ Hand Me Down Baby says:

    Gah, I’ve only housed two tiny humans and am not yet willing to accept that the extra 2st currently smothering my inner hotness is here to stay.
    It’s SO. FRICKIN’. HARD. though.
    I just want to get out of my maternity clothes. That’d be a good start!


  8. mudpiefridays says:

    Ha ha this is brilliant, and you are not alone – although I don’t have the extended hospital stay as a reason or 3 little ones – we just have the one at the moment! However I full heartedly agree with you and have accepted it as a stage in my life. Thank you so much for joining us on #BloggerClubUK hope to see you again next week x


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